A number of years ago, I was in the most hopeless state of my life because I doubted God’s existence. I had been praying for years that my husband’s abuse would end, though there were times of peace, his fits of rage were still something to be feared.

I desperately wanted our marriage to be saved and I prayed continually for it, but nothing ever changed. In fact, it got worse. I really felt that God had abandoned me and I was left to figure out this mess alone. But I was living in this fog of confusion brought on by the manipulative, controlling behavior of my abusive husband and I was struggling with what was actually right and wrong.

My hope was waning…and it was a most frightening place to be. I was giving up on hope because it brought about too much disappointment. Hoping to me, could bring as much sorrow as the wounds that caused the pain in my life.

Because I saw no change, no rescue from God, I started believing he didn’t care about my suffering, and I reasoned that if he did not care to help me, then he must not exist. This is when I fell into the most depressing state I have ever been in and I knew nothing of how to escape it.

During this time we were invited to Mammoth by some friends. It was a beautiful winter with much snow fall. I had never seen anything so breathtaking. Snow was everywhere blanketing all the trees and buildings. I decided to take a walk along a snow covered path and absorb all the beauty. I have always adored the out doors; nature is something I relish in and this was a gift to my soul.

As I walked I wondered…”If God did not exist who created this majestic scene? Why were snowflakes designed so uniquely? How then was mankind even made?” Heavy questions for a simple walk in the snow, but this where God met me.

I never believed in evolution; there is just too much complexity and beauty in creation for it have randomly happened without a designer.

So, I reasoned, if God created all things, then what the Bible says is true and if the Bible is true in some parts, it’s true in all parts. So, if he says he loves me and is here to help me then, he is. All heaviness came off me as I knew in my heart God did not abandoned me and that he would indeed show me the way. It may sound simplistic, but things do not have to be complicated, we just think they do.

Hope returned in the beauty of nature, for me. Hope can return for you in the beauty of a child’s smile, a loved ones hug, or anything that you allow. Reach for hope; because it is there waiting for you. You see, hope is all around you, because God in his compassion has placed it there. Keep trusting, for God has not forgotten you.

Things did not change immediately for me regarding my marriage, but a few months later, God did rescue me and my kids, in a way I would never have expected. God was faithful as he showed me his tenderness and care and in so doing, he brought even more hope back to my soul.

 


Posted by , September 19, 2017 16 comments

16 comments

  1. Maggie,
    I relate to so much of this! I was married to a drug addict for many years. The lies, manipulation, and emotional abuse were enough to make me lose hope. Your line: “Hoping to me, could bring as much sorrow as the wounds that caused the pain in my life.” sums up exactly how I felt!! Even hope was dangerous! God did eventually restore my hope and has been “redeeming the years the locusts have eaten.” He is faithful. Thanks for sharing!

    Comment by Lindsey on September 20, 2017 at 7:40 pm

  2. Praise Him, Lindsey, for the compassion he has on married women who are in an abusive marriage. Yes, I hated hope and dreams too…I never thought they would come true. I am so very grateful that God proved that to be false. Thank you for taking time to stop by and read my blog. God’s favor be continuously on you and your family!

    Comment by Maggie Simmons on September 23, 2017 at 3:22 am

  3. I had a friend who went thru Exactly what you did…I tried to be there for her but at that time I didn’t understand the abuse and wounding she was enduring. I hope she forgives me for my lack of understanding and any ‘judgements ‘ she felt I was holding onto in regards to her divorce and remarriage. I mourned the loss of this friendship, but God, in His mercy, brought us back together and I treasure our new improved friendship!

    Comment by Sue Paterson on September 21, 2017 at 3:10 am

  4. My Dear Freind, these times were so extremely difficult for all of us, freinds, and family alike. We had such a strong friendship before and that is why we still endure, because of that love and grace we already had deep within. I thank God for bringing us back together, what’s one little hick-up in the span of 25 years! I love you and thank you for you encouragement and for being their for me and in particular my boys! They love you immensly and that is a beautiful thing a freind does…love her children.

    Comment by Maggie Simmons on September 23, 2017 at 2:51 am

  5. God indeed is faithful and He always come at His own time Isaiah 40:31 “But those who trust in Lord for help will find their strength renewed.They will run not and get weary; they will Walk and not grow weak”

    Comment by Jackie on September 21, 2017 at 8:05 pm

  6. Amen, Jackie….I appreciate you stopping by and encouraging me! God bless you and all you do!

    Comment by Maggie Simmons on September 23, 2017 at 2:52 am

  7. Wow! Thank you for sharing something so hard from your life!

    I’m curious if you have another post about your experience, because I really want to know how God rescued you and your children in the unexpected way you mentioned.

    You’ve left me hanging on my seat!

    Comment by Vanessa Jencks on September 22, 2017 at 5:01 am

  8. Haha, Vanessa I’m sorry. You, know now that you ask, I don’t think I do. I wrote a book titled, A Rag Doll’s Heart, it’s not totally autobiographical and it’s written in allegory form, that helps women to know their worth in Christ. I am writing a companion book to go with it, soon to published and that will have my stories in it. It should be published late this Fall. I want to give women the tools to expose the lies and tear down the walls that have them imprisoned. My book is available on this website in the store section. Thank you so much for your kind words. Maybe I should write a continuation to this blog?!

    Comment by Maggie Simmons on September 23, 2017 at 3:04 am

  9. Praise God for your rescue. He truly is an om time God. He often has us in a waiting period and it’s during that period that we begin to question things. I am glad you held on and that you and your children safe. Blessings.

    Comment by Myesha R on September 22, 2017 at 3:32 pm

  10. Thank you Myesha, you are absolutley right! I am so thankful for God’s faithfulness. I appreciate you taking time to encourage me!

    Comment by Maggie Simmons on September 23, 2017 at 3:06 am

  11. I am so very glad you have found our Lord to be a faithful Savior. God’s blessings and peace to you. I look forward to reading more of your writing.

    Comment by Kim Nolywaika on September 22, 2017 at 8:00 pm

  12. Thank you so much Kim. I appreciate your kind words and for taking time to encourage me.

    Comment by Maggie Simmons on September 23, 2017 at 3:07 am

  13. This is absolutely beautiful! God restores our souls with hope by using anything he can to speak to us. It is usually when we least expect it that God decides to speak, but he is always on time. Many blessings to you and thank you for sharing your heart!

    Comment by Keisha Russell on September 22, 2017 at 9:50 pm

  14. You are so right, Keisha. If we would remember to look up and know are help comes form God. I appreciate you taking time and encouraging me. God bless you and your writing too!

    Comment by Maggie Simmons on September 23, 2017 at 3:09 am

  15. I’m so sorry you had to endure such hardship. I’m thankful God rescued you from your abusive situation. I can’t even begin to imagine what that was like. You are brave to share your story so other women can find refuge in the Lord. Bless You!

    Comment by Tina on September 23, 2017 at 3:22 am

  16. Thank you so much, Tina for your encouragement. I know that that is what the Lord wants me to do and he gives me the strength and courage to do it. I appreciate you stooping by and reading my blog. God bless you!

    Comment by Maggie Simmons on October 6, 2017 at 3:05 pm

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